lynnlcsw

Connecting with Confidence

In Therapy, Uncategorized on July 14, 2010 at 5:28 am

Sometime in my early adulthood, I figured out what makes someone attractive.  Whether it was being able to look back on my own youth, or through the eyes of all the clients I work with, it is the one quality we all wish we had more of, and the one we often feel everyone else has more of than we do.  Confidence.  What does it mean to be confident?  Having conviction.  Being self-assured and independent.  Believing in your powers and abilities

I was recently told by someone that the one thing they would like to change about themself is to be able to walk up to anyone and start a conversation.  Another person said that he would like to be the one making the decisions around his peers.  A young child only wants to be included and chosen for a sports team.  A high school student says she does not write well.  Another is sure she will be the “worst” at a new specialized camp.  A mother says she is constantly seeking approval and comparing herself to others when it comes to her own childrearing abilities.  A husband avoids social situations with his family, afraid he won’t know how to interact.  Interestingly and predictably, they all see “everyone else” as much more self assured, successful and “right” about all of their decisions.  Realizing that everyone has self-doubts, everyone has baggage, everyone has strengths and weaknesses is very difficult for many people.  Feeling “less-than” becomes the norm.

What are you good at?  What are your strengths?  What can you teach others, and lead?  What do you wish you had a stronger conviction about?  How can you give your loved ones more confidence?  Your children?  Your spouse?  If only it were bought.  And once it is given, how can you assure this gift of confidence is received, and received appropriately and not turned into arrogance?  How can you act confident when you don’t feel confident?  How can you embrace a challenge and have confidence you will succeed?

You can find directions all over the internet and self-help books about “how to be confident” but unless you believe in your qualities, your strengths, your powers and abilities, you might be the one who suffers the most.

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  1. Very insightful! It’s amazing that you learned this in your early adulthood, because I’ve only started to peel back this onion, and I’m mid 40’s. There is an internal struggle that I often find myself with, during the times when I KNOW I am right, and I know that the other person is 100% wrong… I don’t want to be too confident, nor do I want to be condescending (where you say confidence versus arrogance).

    When I feel this internal battle, I think to myself, “What would Eddie do?”. Eddie is my 12 year old son, who has a gift of delivering the truth without hurting feelings. It’s amazing what our kids teach us. 🙂

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